Lost Within You
by heartlessromantic667
Summary: "Where do you go when you're lost in your own little world in that head of yours?" She expected him to end it, run and hide behind his stupid sunglasses. He was afraid of his feelings, and couldn't take it anymore. It's funny what rain can do to to you...


_**Author's Note: This is just a quick one shot to try and channel some writing skills because I have a slight writer's block, and I'm hoping this helps. Hope you enjoy this.**_

_**Love- Angie**_

_**PS: the poem is something I wrote in English today, for the fun of it (gee, I write for fun, who would have guessed).**_

_**PPS: More updates coming after Tuesday, some maybe this weekend but I'm not sure. School will be out tomorrow and I'm devoting a lot of my time to this! :D**_

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The rain poured down heavily, dripping down the windows of the El Camino. Silence between the two people sitting in the car, except for the radio quietly playing tunes that Jackie Burkhart was beginning to recognize.

Her eyes gazed at her boyfriend, who was resting his head against the seat, head pointed upwards, sunglasses covering his blue eyes. She sighed softly, wondering what was running through this boy's… no, this man's mind. She couldn't even tell if he was awake or not, but that's the way he liked it; this guy was a complete mystery that she wanted to unravel.

Jackie caressed his arm and she felt a light twitch on his bicep from the contact, yet Hyde's face showed no acknowledgement of her being so close to him, of her touching him. She wondered if maybe something was wrong, if he was going to break up with her, and she knew that would kill her. Jackie loved him, more than anyone; he actually understood what she had gone through, and in his own way, had been able to make her so happy. '_Steven is odd like that,_' she thought, with a smile. And that's what made her love him even more.

_Tell me when you're lost,_

_Staring with blank eyes at the sky above_

_What do you think about?  
Within your mind, the thoughts _

_The emotions that run deep, _

_Yet hidden from everyone else,  
God, just tell me what you feel._

"Steven?" She quietly asked, watching with anticipation, hoping he would turn to her and smile, hold her hand in his, kiss her. But all he did was nod.

"What?" He mumbled, and then traced the window, the trail of rain that reminded Jackie of tears. Not of hers, though, she hadn't cried in quite some time. His. The man who she loved, who never showed emotion, never let people in… she had walked into the basement late one night, trying to be silent so he wouldn't know. But, what she found instead broke her heart, made her want to hold Steven close and tell him she was here; but she couldn't. Jackie knew that if she had, he would have gone… he would be so angry and embarrassed that he'd probably break up with her. What she had witnessed was the effect of being Steven Hyde, bottling in emotions and perfecting '_zen_'; she hated that zen, almost as much as his stupid sunglasses. Maybe she had seen the little boy that had been locked away for so long; from what she could tell of his childhood, which wasn't much, he had grown up fast.

_Is this all you've ever wanted?_

_Being alone within your ways_

_It kills me, and I feel so cold _

_Let me in, let me in_

_All I want is to know just one thing_

_Don't push me away, when all I want_

_Is to know that you love me_

"What's wrong?" She finally whispered, unsure of what would happen. She watched as he shook his head and chuckled softly, turning the keys in the El Camino so it would start. "Please tell me?"

Finally, he turned to look at her. Jackie couldn't see his eyes but by the way the rest of his face looked; he was probably annoyed. She felt her heart drop and a frown set on her face, she had to be just like him; zen. After all, he had taught her, didn't he?

"Nothing's wrong, I just…" Jackie looked up, shocked at how much he had spoken, how suddenly he answered her seriously, rather than joking. He shook his head and laughed softly. "This is stupid," he mumbled to himself, taking off his sunglasses. Hyde glanced over and noticed her staring at him, shocked at his action. "It's getting to dark; I can barely see the road." He informed, his perfect excuse.

No, he had a different reason. Hyde felt so conflicted, so confused as to what he was about to do, but he knew he just had to. It was killing him and eating away at him, he just couldn't take it anymore. Hyde couldn't let Jackie go on like this, worrying about him when the problem was her. He just couldn't stand this.

He gazed at her mismatched eyes, and his heart skipped; God she's beautiful. He didn't care about the things that made her so happy about herself; her tiny figure, perfect hair, makeup that clogged her pores but somehow made her feel gorgeous. Yeah, it was all great, but he loved her eyes. And her smile. And the feeling of her skin, so soft against his. Plus who she was on the inside, behind the layer of shallow that got under his skin all the time; the side she only showed with him, or the ones she was close with. They were too much alike in that way.

"Whatever," She finally piped up, shrugging her shoulders; yet Hyde knew that she was begging for him to give an answer. And he was going to… he just needed the courage.

_It's now or never_

_Gone too late_

_A silent way to tell you_

_The things that I can't say_

_It's haunting and killing me slowly_

_I need to let you know, _

_I just have to let it go_

So what if he was scared; he could lose her soon and that would kill him. If he lost her… Hyde knew that he'd eventually waste away to nothing; he'd literally die. He had been loved, used, and abandoned his whole life, living off of lies and torment that he thought was love. But no, he knew what that was now; it was what he felt when he looked at her. When they spoke at night, and he held her close, as she slept so close to him, he could almost feel her heart beat against his chest. The way that she smiled when he did something that pleased her, or when she just was happy to be with him. He felt that he wasn't good enough, but he couldn't let that cloud his reality.

"Jackie… I need to… talk to you." The way her eyes looked scared him. Jackie looked so angry, sad, confused; but most of all hurt. He was never good with phrasing. "It's really important." She glared at him with sadness leaking in her eyes; no, she couldn't cry. It wasn't like that!

"Steven, I don't want to hear it. You're breaking up with me and I won't have it. Jackie Burkhart doesn't get dumped."

"Jackie, I-"

"Why did I do this? I should've known you were going to just use me and play with me for awhile, and then toss me. I thought you were different." Hyde's heart pounded furiously inside of him, his mind running as fast as the adrenaline in his veins.

_In the night we speak,_

_Words so beautifully written  
Yet used so frequently; they almost mean nothing_

_I just want you to know_

_These things I can't say, that I wish I could_

_I want you to know_

_That I love you_

"Jackie, just listen to me, God dammit!" Hyde exclaimed, voice breaking; he didn't want to yell at her. He didn't want it to be like this. "Please?"

Jackie heard that he was practically begging. Her heart ached, too afraid to hear his words. If he was really breaking up with her; he'd be so much worse than Michael. Taking a deep breath, Jackie nodded and looked up at him; only to gasp softly. She met his eyes and saw sadness, and it tore her heart in two. She loved him, she really did, and she just had to hear what this man had to say.

_Like hearing you speak my name_

_Or the first kiss you gave me,_

_I remember all these things_

_Trapped inside of me,_

_Memories that haunt me_

_Memories that burn my heart_

_When I'm lost within my mind…_

With a trembling hand, Hyde held her hand within his and took a deep breath. "Jackie, this is going to be hard. I know I'm not your perfect guy; I'm poor, I'm short, I don't like presents, I'm not that good looking, you know? But I just… hope you… hope you're… I h-hope you're h-happy with me because…" He paused, getting even more nervous as he spoke. Gazing in her eyes, he saw curiosity, and excitement, that made his heart melt and he smiled softly. "Jackie… I love you."

Tears fell down her eyes and she squealed, embracing Hyde in a hug. She knew that was probably the most difficult thing he had ever done. He had made some sort of acknowledgement when she said she loved him, even said 'me too' a couple of times, but… he said it. She had finally gotten it out of him.

"Steven… you're not perfect," Jackie murmured, kissing his neck softly, watching his gaze fall and noticed he looked disappointed. "But you're perfect for me." The rain outside had stopped, the music still played softly in the background. She felt a drop fall on her forehead and glanced at Hyde's window, seeing it was cracked open and she sighed, not appreciating the fact that in 45 degree weather, he was warm. "Steven, close your-" Jackie stopped, when seeing a lone tear falling slowly down his cheek. With her index finger, she wiped it away and he smiled weakly, vulnerable and scared. There was no zen anymore, not right now at least. This was the healing man she was in love with, showing how he really felt.

"Steven, where do you go when you're lost in your own little world in that head of yours?" She asked him, hoping it would help him feel more comfortable. Hyde chuckled and ran her hand through his hair.

"I start to think about something really important, and then I get sidetracked when I hear you, or something reminds me of you. So I get lost within you." Jackie smiled and her heart leapt, as she kissed him softly.

Fin.


End file.
